you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
