omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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