wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
