ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
