The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
