I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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