it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
