Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
