New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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