I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
