I have demons in me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
