I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My vagina is officially offended.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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