she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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