It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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