remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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