smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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