Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
