well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
