My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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