I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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