she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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