Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
