you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
