Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
