so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just had sex on a roof
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
