Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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