flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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