At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
