i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
