I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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