she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
