Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
