I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize