It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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