well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
