i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
