I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
