Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
