Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
