Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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