I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
