I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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