So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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