She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
