i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize