If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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