Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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