Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
