Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
