He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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