hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
