i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
