I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize