your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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