I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
