I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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