And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
