Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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