I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
