Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize