I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
