I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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