There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
