forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
