So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
