Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
