I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
