I'm so fucking centered right now
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
