i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
