If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
