your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
