worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
