Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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