He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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