I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
