You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
