I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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