i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
