And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
