yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
