A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize