Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
