Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
