I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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