while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize