I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
