My first STD was from a foam party
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
