Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
