Nicole vs. Life
It's Friday. Sex?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
NoShamevember. You game?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize